...insulting.

As mentioned before, I know some people who enjoy insulting one another. The following are insults and "put downs" I've been collecting for the past little while (insultee in quotes):



Are you still breathing?

I wish...you were dead.

My face hurts just looking at you.

Can you go to this meeting instead of me? I feel I'm just wasting my time there, so maybe we can make better use of yours.

"[Singing a song]" Wow, you shouldn't sing.

I die a little inside every time you breathe.

By default you look the best.

"You didn't think I would come?" We were hoping.

What have I told you about looking at me? ...Keep turning...keep turning... I don't want to have this conversation again.

I don't even know why you work here.

The state let you have kids?

I knew he was good for something, unlike you.

We need your picture for the genderless icon.

"Did you know that Pluto is only the second largest dwarf planet in our solar system." Yup, and the first is your mother.

"Most people don't like me." Don't limit yourself; no one likes you.

Of course he smokes, he's a moron. "And all morons smoke." That's not true, you don't smoke.



I'm sure there are more to come.

...only ugly people get sick.

While conversing with a group of people that enjoy insulting each other, one of them mentioned that he had been sick lately. Sensing I could relate to his situation, I remarked that my kid was currently not feeling well. Overhearing my comment, someone passing by sympathetically stated, "Oh, but he's so cute." Thinking that was a major burn to me and my family, the others in the conversation looked at me as if to say, "That was harsh" or "You need to yell something back to them." Trying not to become a part of the "degradation club", I promptly exited the discussion.

...you can't draw / explain very well.

Backseat drawing is one of those games that is straightforward and stimulating, yet stymieing at times. To play: one person from each team (simultaneous play) explains to another person on their team how to draw a chosen noun or phrase using simple shapes and directions while all others (including the drawer) try to guess that noun or phrase before the other team(s).

Many times, after the round ended, other drawing techniques or explanation suggestions were given to one another. None of these were taken too harshly, but some of them could have easily been construed as trash talk rather than constructive criticism. Below are the 'drawings' created that evening.

Ours	Theirs

...Family Feud ran out of questions to ask people.

One day while watching an episode of Family Feud, I noticed that I was somehow in the middle of a conversation. My attention, however, was not completely removed from the auditory grasp of the television. Straining to be polite and entertained at the same time, I failed to hear the precise wording of the survey 100 people were asked. "Did he just ask, 'What would you find at a nudist theme park?' And why would a 'whistle' be the number 2 answer? " My mind was racing. 'Hats' was the number 1 answer. "Can they even wear hats? Someone say roller coaster or cotton candy. This doesn't even make sense. 'People kissing' as number 3 makes a little more sense, but I'm still not convinced I heard it correctly." Then the question was repeated. 'What would you find at a New Year's Eve Party?' And to top it all off, 'drinks' was number 4.

Too bad they don't always have such extravagant surveys.

...I can't stand Matthew.

We all have our OCD moments. I happen to like when things are even.

Recently, in our class, I was noticing that the number of boys was the same as the number of girls, and so I thanked all for coming so that the count was even. A boy named Matthew, however, came in late making the count higher for the boys. Upon seeing his arrival, one of the girls in the class exclaimed, "Oh no, not Matthew". We had to explain to Matthew, that this vocal thought was not because this girl did not like him, but that his attendance that day meant that the ratio of boys and girls was no longer even. We then proceeded to explain that all are welcome in class everyday and that I personally enjoy things to be even and in order but would rather have things in uneven numbers if it meant all could attend. Laughs were had, everyone understood the situation, but there was some short-lived disappointment, confusion, and embarrassment.

I would just like to remind all to think before you speak to avoid such situations.

...this blog is fake.

So I've been meaning to make a blog. This just seemed to be the perfect theme. I wanted to make a blog that was more about humorous situations and discussions than my life on a silver platter. Have you ever heard just part of a conversation, interpreted a situation incorrectly, did or said something that could have meant something completely different, or offended someone with a very innocent question or comment? Well, I want to tell you about some of those things as they happen to me.